The Problem With The Term ‘Mansplaining’
Mansplaining: When a man explains something to someone (Typically a Woman) in a manner perceived as condescending or patronizing.
I hate the term mansplaining.
It adds absolutely nothing to a discussion and inevitably contributes to women being viewed as fragile. My frustration lies not with the obnoxious aura of the word and its gross arrogance. I’m not perturbed about over-zealous idiots attempting to be insulting and not having the wherewithal to know the word patronising. My frustration sits wholly on the fact that the vast majority of people that use this term do not use it correctly. They don’t understand the damage they do to their own Feminist and Social Justice movements with their smug ignorance.
After being presented with this comic on my front page today I decided I wanted to talk about all the problems I have with the term mansplaining.
The Incorrect Usage Mansplaining
Let’s pretend for a moment that I buy into the whole mansplaining thing. Even by feminism’s own definition people are constantly using the word out of context. Mansplaining is not when a man explains something to you. Mansplaining is when a man explains something to you in a condescending manner.
It’s such a small thing, but it makes a world of difference. If someone is condescending to you, they’re actually being rude. At that point, I don’t have an issue with you using a derogatory term like mansplaining since the other person already set the tone by being rude. Yet, I see people use this term when a man explains anything. When people do that, they’re the aggressor and they’re being rude. Beyond that, it makes them seem weak. When falsely accused of being condescending the only logical conclusion is that the other person’s ego is so large and fragile that having anything explained to them is triggering.
This feeds into archaic stereotypes about women being overly fragile and emotional.
It Ends The Dialogue
Mansplaining is not a term created to provoke discussion. It is proudly designed to silence men. I say proudly because making men shut up is often seen as a good thing. Yet, perceiving the whole of mankind as a nebulous obnoxious force for evil helps no one. People who use the term ought to think about the individual they are dealing with and whether they personally deserve to be silenced.
At the end of the day, talking about problems is the best way to work out a solution. If you end the discussion then you are not contributing to an end of ‘mansplaining’ you are merely prolonging it.
Mansplaining Is Not A Gendered Issue
The term itself is inaccurate since this phenomenon is not exclusive to men. It is purely based on conversational confidence between people. In reality, there are hundreds of situations where someone will be interrupted or condescended to by someone more confident than them.
I imagine the reason this became known as a gendered issue is because of male confidence. You’ll usually find that if a man doesn’t know something they’ll shrug and say that they don’t know. When they do know something they’re usually quite eager to explain it. They are confident in their own competence and this leads to conversational confidence. This can indeed lead to condescension or interruptions. My point is this can happen in any situation where one party perceives themself or is perceived as more competent than the other. Feel free to compare it to the feminist theory of intersectionality.
To further cement the point, I’d like to point out that women will also interrupt other women in the same way. More confident women have absolutely no problem ploughing through the opinions of other women, believe me, I used to do it too. It’s just power dynamics at work. You could add that since many feminists have studied patriarchy theory they may perceive men as more valued or in control and become subconsciously subservient or threatened.
The Term Isolates Men From Being Involved In Stopping The Phenomenon
Since the term mansplaining is used in a derogatory and gendered way it isolates men from the issue. In reality, we all have two ears for listening but only one mouth for speaking. We can all benefit from listening more, but this term and the isolation of men only serves to make them defensive. Not just that, but the vast amount of innocent men being accused of mansplaining makes it seem like legitimate cases do not exist.
There is nothing wrong with being frustrated over people not listening. However, there is something wrong with stereotyping a whole demographic of people. I should also point out that all people deserve equal footing in conversation, in the context of their race and gender generally are irrelevant. Honestly, the sentiment of listening more is a good one, but it shouldn’t be changed into an attack on a particular demographic or used to silence particular groups.
Alternatives To ‘Mansplaining’
Rather than shutting down dialogue by using the term mansplaining let’s think about how we can open the floor.
Ask Yourself Why You Are Being Mansplained to: Is the person talking more qualified than you? Are they a professional in this field or otherwise more committed to it than you? Are you asking a question? All of these things can add to the perception that someone is mansplaining when they’re just trying to be helpful.
Is It Intentional? Do you think this person is intentionally being condescending? This is important because if you tell someone they are mansplaining and they aren't intentionally being rude, not only does it make you look bad but it hurts your relationship with that person.
If The Person Is Being Rude How Can You Defuse The Situation? Earlier in the piece, I said I don’t mind when people use ‘mansplaining’ in the context of a man actually being condescending. I would like to add that I am no paragon of virtue and shouldn't be your role model. In reality, even using mansplaining in the correct context is confrontational. The high road would be to try and defuse the situation not escalate it. Honestly, walking away from someone being confrontational is probably the biggest slap in the face. I should know, I love a good confrontation.
At the end of the day, we need to see each other as humans. Too often intersectional feminism ignores the individual. The idea that a particular demographic always experiences something a certain way is a stereotype. It is merely meant to be used as a caricature or perhaps a faint expectation. You still have to make decisions about people on a case by case basis to determine their worth. It’s something I need to work on too! We all have biases but we don’t have to let them rule us.
Hope you enjoyed this piece and feel free to debate me at the bottom of the page. If you like my content remember to check out www.indiethoughts.com or follow me on Minds.
